My whole life I’ve been this way
Pushed everyone away, what can I say
I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy
Like I earned the right to feel crappy
I tend to ruin everything good in my life
Like I’m aiming to fall on this knife
Why do I self destruct
It’s like I have no self conduct
Almost like I’m deliberately ruining it
Like brain is troubled and failure is soothing it
I should move away and start over new
But I’ll probably ruin that too
Go somewhere far like Australia
I’m so accustomed to being a failure
That I don’t think I could survive being cheerful
I’m walking on eggshells trying to careful
I guess I’ll crash it before it can hurt me
To get infront of the pain before it can be
Knowing that I’ll never be happy
In my life is only pain that I can see
Why do I do this everytime
It’s a self destructive crime
Throwing away everything
Not waiting to see what relationships can bring
I break up before they break me
I’m afraid of commitment sadly
I’m afraid of leaving myself bare
To be broken when giving my all is my fear
If I don’t try I can’t say i gave my all
If I end it first I can’t fall.
It’s a protection strategy
But it’s Leaves my life in a total tragedy